I Wonder

Been feeling a little worse for wear physically this week. Not sure whether the Tuesday chemo (rather than the Monday) has thrown me this week or what. Physically I have struggled a little though, maybe I overdid it a couple of days. Was good to catchup with the Huttons, Andrew and JB earlier this week and chew the fat, thanks guys. Thanks so much to JG and Mike for my chemo lifts up and back, great that you could join me on the day I got those awesome results on the markers, thanks.

Head is still full of thoughts, what will be. I have my CT scan on Thursday morning. That's always fun, drinking the lovely prep drink, which looks (and tastes) like wee. Not sure how I know what wee tastes like, Im not onto that alternate therapy just yet, but anyway, it does. Then I will ring my onco Josie on Friday to get the results. These I reckon are the 2 most important days of my life so far. The results will give an indication of to the effectiveness of the current chemo. I am hopeful, I am pumped, I am ready, I think. The cancer markers have been giving me an indication so I reckon that will be reflected in the result.

The result might be 

1. The cancer is reducing, 
2. We think the cancer is reducing but need some more tests after a few more cycles,
3. The cancer is still growing, or 
4. The cancer is still growing but at a reduced rate. 

I am greedy, I want 1, I reckon I deserve 1, so that's the aim. If 2, then lets keep going and lets see what happens. 3 or 4 are unacceptable.

I took my normal Sunday night trip down to my local pharmacy tonite to renew my pain meds script. After a previous run in with a pharmacist at Turramurra I now go to my local pharmacist, Mark at McDonalds Pharmacy at St Ives. He is great, I look forward to our Sunday evening 5 min chat. He looks after me. On the way home on the ipod in the car I was listening through the Chris Isaac collection of songs. Love Chris Isaac. One of my faves is the song I wonder, and I started listening to the words, or singing the words, well the ones that I know at least.

When I was younger, I believed that dreams came true, now I wonder.

Cause I've seen much more dark skies, than blue, now I wonder.

I keep on praying for a blue sky, I keep on searching through the rain.

I keep on thinking of the good times, will they ever come again?

Now I wonder.

And I do wonder, wonder if things will ever be the same, or somewhere at least in the vicinity. Look up the song, its a lovely song, and as usual I have never really thought of the words but as you all know I am now thinking way too much about stuff. But I do wonder, really do.

I am wondering about the results on Friday, I am hopeful, not quite confident, but hopeful. But whatever happens this week, I will go to sleep, eat, and keep on keeping on, because tomorrow is always another day.

Love.

Trev.