Latest Scan Result

So this is about my latest progress scan, let me set the scene.

Scanxiety again

Got the scan done last Wednesday, so I could have called up for the results on Thursday or Friday, but I always like to wait until I see my onco on the Monday. Not sure the reasoning, but it seems safer, and more practical. Whether good or bad results, it is more real and considered, and we can sit and work out the way forward calmly and logically. It seems to make sense to me.

The flipside to this is Scanxiety kicking in. Its interesting isn't it, i keep telling myself that I'm handling it fine, but I find I am a little anxious, that I work through different scenarios, whats going to happen, what the results may be. Sleep leaves me, I tend to have more interrupted sleep, wake up early and not be able to get back. But it still seems logical, somehow.

The Context

So the context of the scan. After last scan where the tumours had appeared to have leveled out, we tweaked the chemo drugs slightly to see what would happen. Since then, I have had increased pain, so my DIY medical expertise was sure that meant that the bastards were growing again, that the week killer wasn't working.

My thinking was mainly based around how much they had grown, what would be the next steps. I have been planning for months to have a full month off chemo, I dearly want to let my body recover some, and also spend some side-effect free time with the family. But if the growth was significant, then the advice from Josie the Onco would be to keep on the chemo, or try the next option of chemo which I know has significant side effects. I dont want to make that decision, because we are starting to really talk life and death decisions now. timing comes into play.

If this doesn't work, which I am sure its not, and if the next ones don't work, then my calculation takes me to a bit past mid 2016 as my use by date. Hows that for thinking, does that give you a bit of scanxiety, it sure does me.

The Result

So, lets put us all out of our misery. After the normal pre-appointment chit chat, Josie stated he was very happy with my results. What does that mean I asked, he said its STABLE. What? STABLE? So I made him read out the last and current measurements of the 9 odd tumours they were marking. Some were same, some were slightly, very slightly larger, and 1 was even measured as a little smaller. We were expecting the cancer had grown, that it was starting to take over, but no, its stable. Thats a great word for now, an awesome word.

I don't believe it, Jane was with me, and we both didn't believe it. Well we did believe it, but it was so unexpected. So a few hours later, massive hugs from lots of people  including my onco, hugs of joy, Jane, nurses. And i add lots of tears, very happy tears. One of the nurses even questioned my red rash on my face, but I told her that was more likely from the intermittent shedding of tears, which led to a new conversation on why and then some more hugs from nurses. Even the pharmacist Lee shed a few tears with me. These nurses and docs ride the roller coaster with us, they feel it and take it on, such empathy.

Managing the Bastards

I am stoked. So relieved, happy, unexpectedly so. What a result. So up till yesterday I was resigned to this likely being my last chrissy with the family. I reckon this result could have bought me at least 1 more, and maybe more with all the possibilities of opening up more trials and other treatments. We are on the way to managing the cancer. For how long I don't know, but I am going to have 2 full fortnightly cycles off chemo, so finish next Monday, and then start again on January 25, 2016. Its an unbelievable feeling today, I feel washed from the chemo, but in another way I feel I can run through brick walls. Awesome.

News

So this week has been a little quiet. Just been taking it easy and getting some recovery time in. Scan, Support Group Chrissy Doo on Thursday was good to catch up with my buddies there, bit of club footy work catching up with Rowey and Thommo, and taking E to footy trials where he had a great week to finish off the trials. 

However some not so great news today for us, E got word that he didn't make the final cut for the Swans next year. However he is on the cusp, and the head of the Academy was very positive with his feedback, gave him some specific things to do over the season with the intent that if he does well then he will again be invited to the trials at the end of 2016. Swans Academy has been a big part of our lives for 5 years and has been great in Ethan's development and maturing. I am extremely proud of my boy for the way he has conducted himself all the way throughout  the work and effort and the results he has achieved. So proud of you E, and love you so much.

As always, life goes on around us, my results and E's news are just a couple of the things that happened in a world of things that happened today. And for us, life will also go on and tomorrow is always another day, full of hope, and laughs and lots of possibilities. Bring it on I say, we will take it head on and make it a great day.

Love,

Trev.

Todays Infusion