Joke time

So after my 2 weeks in Hospital, I have 2 pieces of humour for you, first is a joke sent by my mate Merren, pretty good one to lift the spirits, the second is an actual thing that occurred on the ward that I was subsequently very apologetic for, but was pretty funny.

Joke 1...

A male patient had a full face oxygen mask, the trainee nurse had just given him a sponge bath of sorts, and he mumbled thru the mask "Nurse, are my testicles black?".
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I dont know sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.".
Struggling to ask again... "Nurse, please check for me, are my testicles black?",
Concerned that it may elevate his blood pressure or heart rate, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers, moves a few things around and cradles others gently, "Sir, there is nothing wrong with them, they look fine."
The man slowly pulls off the oxygen mask, smiles at her and says vrey slowly... "Thank you very much, that was wonderful. Now listen very closely. Are-my-test-results-back?"

Joke 2, well this one really happened...

After having much trouble sleeping in hospital over the last couple of weeks, we hatched the plan of a relaxant, Atovan a around 8pm, then a couple of Panadol to also help with the fevers at around 9pm, and then a sleep pill, Temazapan, at around 11pm before nodding off to try and get some sleep.

My nurse was Homer, a lovely and capable guy that I have also has as my nurse at the infusion centre. Homer is very quiet, and just goes about his business really well,one of the nurses I feel in very good hands with, and have a good affinity with.

So all going to plan, however the doc had prescribed up to 2 sleep pills at a time, so instead of 1 we decided to go 2. So I went to sleep, worked a treat. First I remember is around 3am-ish waking up on the other side of the bed with my full port assembly disconnected, alarm from the beep machine going off, and Homer rushing in and asking me, "Trev, what have you done?". What i had done, was very skillfully after watching the port connections many times, I had clipped and disconnected the lines, Homer was concerned for the leaks, but nope, I had done it well, no leaks and all good.

So I think what had happened is that as a result of the drugs that worked so well I was so zonked that I went into some autopilot to disconnect. Not sure what was coming next, whether I was just going to shower without my pole, or I think more likely I had, had enough and was about to exit and head home, but for Homers quick action, I might have made it, damn!

Over the subsequent couple of days I continued to be apologetic to Homer, and he was completely fine. All the other nurses knew about it, some were a little critical  but most had a little giggle with us as well. Something I am sure we will laugh about for some time. They will be careful to keep an eye on me during the witching hours just that little more I am sure.

Next week....
So next week I will hopefully get back to some routine and back into a chemo round whilst getting used to the new pain regime. Today was OK, and tomorrow is always another day.

Love.
Trev.

Hospitals, I love them, I really do

You people that consistently or intermittently spend stints of 1, 2, 3, 4,5, 6 + weeks in hospital, how do you friggin do it?

What a difficult 2 weeks this has been.

It really started a couple of weeks back on NYE when I came in with some undetermined pain. This turned out mainly muscular in the ribs, so stayed in a few days in the ward and then out again, still with some discomfort, but managing.

Infusion machine.

But where weren't aware of when which we found our when we came back to ED a couple of weeks later on Sunday Jan 16th, this time was that the tumour had had significant growth since Chrissy, seems like it has just let go. We we're hoping that the current level of stability that I had got to would hold though my January chemo break, but looks like it went the other way, the floodgates were pretty ready to open and so they did.

So have now spent 13 days in hospital and have well and truly had a gutful. My normal strength of mind has deserted me and had been replaces with tears, feelings of distress and anxiety, meltdowns. I have mentioned this in various ways and various tones to my many doctors and nurses with varying levels of success.

But Its time to go home. I cant sleep, so its a vicious cycle, my mum used to tell me sleep and fluids to get better, and I am only getting one of them. I need my family around me, not just visiting me, but around me, conversing, discussion, making life feel at least a little normal. Whatever is going to happen there needs to be more quality of lif that this, even if that's just annoying Jane and the kids, that's got to be more fun doesn't it?

So whether I go home or not seems to be up to a fill in onco as its Saturday today and my main onco aint here. Each doc I see is current pushing some responsibly to the others. I don't know what this guys is like, old, young, cranky, inflexible, but already I don like him just its because its his responsibility. He could be a great bloke, or lady, although I think Josie said he was a bloke. Even I I could go home for a few days and come back in later in the week, it would at least give me some time to recup physically and mentally.

Laying in my angled hospital bed, man you need any auto engineering degree to get these beds as the right angles, and if you lost that right angle, someone presses the wrong button (how dare they make the bed). Waiting for their not good bloke fill in onco that I have never met, waiting to throw the toys out of the court as I know I am up for an argument. Lets see how this plays out, hoping for a night in my real bed and on my lounge for sure, but yep, well see.

So hospitals I really do love you. the SAN you have been exceptionable good to me, but just for now I need to have a break, I think we have been moving too quickly. Its me, not you. Not, its sort of a bit you as well, sorry bout that.

I love being there most of the time, I love my time with the nurses in infusion'. I love the way they look after me in ED and the wards, most of the time. Just not today ok? Lets try again tomorrow  as tomorrow is always another day.

Love.
Trev.

BYW, yes, not many toys had to be thrown and I am sitting here at home on my favourite couch, ready for a good night sleep. love it.

Shrinking Violet

When I was young I didn't have much of a green thumb, though i did take some interest in plant life. The African Violet was certainly a favourite, I am not sure why. The colour, the touch. Along with the Venus Fly Trap that we used to get off Dave Healey rated up there as well.

Thanks to my family for the African Violet in the recent hit.

So the latest update has been a challenging one, aren't they all I guess.

Had a good day at the BBL and WBBL last Saturday with Cass, was a good day, my old bones got a little tired, but really enjoyed the day. Thanks Jamie for giving us the car parks to make it easier, and a few friendly members stand attendants for letting us sneak through to give us a quicker exit, made a difference eh Cass, well done, loved spending the day with you as always.

Then on Sunday things went a little pear shape and hasn't really improved since. I have less of an appetite and a nagging pain for w eek prior, nothing bad, nothing really unexpected, just something to manage. On Sunday it got to that point that the pain continued escalating, some inside and some near the outside, couldn't really put my finger on the basis of the pain. My DIY doctoring off the boil today.So got Lyssa to take me off to ED, the idea I would get them to pump me full of morphine for the night then would see my oncologist the next morning. Not that it never does, but that didn't quite go to plan. Anyhow, plenty of morphine and fentanyl, and then on the scan-train.

So been here a full week now, and we found out earlier in the week that although there was some stability in the growth, as of last scan in 2015, that clearly the chemo was JUST holding them, as soon I took the break from chemo they just let loose again. That has been a large source of the pain, sometimes the pain escalating to the 9/10 range,the scratching at the walls and screaming type. I also developed a range of killer hiccups, who wants friggin hiccups when you have pain in the abdo and ribs and all sorts of other places.

So this week has been interesting. Seen onco Josie and Palliative care doc Gillian daily to try and get on top of the pain. We are now working on getting control of the pain and getting over the infections. Both have there challenges, but at least we now have some plans.

Starting to feel normal, well, not not normal, but somewhere in the vicinity of it, so after a full week in hospital we will hopefully be heading home sometime mid this week.

So back to rest and recup,and tomorrow is always another day.
Love,
Trev.

Happy New Year

What a year 2015 has been. I'm pretty sure that Ive never had a year with so many ups and downs. The highs have been really high, and the lows been really low.

Some of the negatives I sometimes wish I could forget, however the challenges over the time help to provide that reason to keep going, I look back on the strength I can draw, the way I have always bounced back and look at the resilience it has drilled into me, the bad days are part of me and help make me what I am.

In every situation I try hard to draw the positives, find that silver lining. There is always a silver lining. Of the whole journey what I am so pleased with is the way I have reconnected with old friends, and got closer to current ones. Whether its because I have the time to do so, or the inclination to do it due to the situation, I have met up with so many people this year for simple coffees and lunches and dinners, and its been just wonderful. Just keeping in touch with so many people, and getting so many texts, letters, emails and phone calls of support and love is astounding.

Daily I get messages from people with words of support or love. Who gets that? Really, who gets that. It brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye every day when I receive that simple text or email. "Might have been a while since we spoke, but just wanted you to know...".

I am a very lucky guy.

So a huge thank you to all of you that are there for me, that are supporting me. It means the world to me to get that, keeps me going for sure. Thanks.

Update:
So its been a challenging couple of weeks. Most of you already know but spent a few days in hospital after deciding to watch the NYE fireworks from the Emergency Department of the SAN Hospital. Their small Samsung TVs grainy screens were awesome to watch it on, just hard to buzz a nurse for some more ice at 1 minute past midnight on NYE, where the hell were they?

So we think the pain I had was from some rib and/or rib-cartilage issue, with the liver and the colon inflammation putting pressure on the ribs and causing what was immense pain. We thought it may have been a stoma blockage or my liver packing it in, but I guess this is a relatively good result. The bad part of it is that it will take a while to heal, in the mean time its a bit like having a cracked rib, so as long as I dont laugh, breath, cough, or move in any direction, then all is good. Tweaking the pain meds now to try and get on top of it without totally spacing myself out with them.

I am grateful to my onco Josie who came in to see me in Hospital both on New Years Day morning and also the Saturday morning, and spending time with me to help sort this out. Yeh I know its their job, but he treats me like I am his best patient every time I see him, he spends the time and really cares.

Thanks to my old, old mate Rod Young (old as in years known, not as in age) for my new Hawaiian Shirts dropped around yesterday. Saffy and I particularly like the green with the paisley touch, awesome. Rod and I hadn't seen each other since primary school up until we got together earlier this year.

Love the shirt, don't you?

So will be looking to get on top of the pain management this week, maybe getting out a little bit without over doing it, spending time with the kids. Tomorrow is always another day.
Love.
Trev.