Hospitals, I love them, I really do

You people that consistently or intermittently spend stints of 1, 2, 3, 4,5, 6 + weeks in hospital, how do you friggin do it?

What a difficult 2 weeks this has been.

It really started a couple of weeks back on NYE when I came in with some undetermined pain. This turned out mainly muscular in the ribs, so stayed in a few days in the ward and then out again, still with some discomfort, but managing.

Infusion machine.

But where weren't aware of when which we found our when we came back to ED a couple of weeks later on Sunday Jan 16th, this time was that the tumour had had significant growth since Chrissy, seems like it has just let go. We we're hoping that the current level of stability that I had got to would hold though my January chemo break, but looks like it went the other way, the floodgates were pretty ready to open and so they did.

So have now spent 13 days in hospital and have well and truly had a gutful. My normal strength of mind has deserted me and had been replaces with tears, feelings of distress and anxiety, meltdowns. I have mentioned this in various ways and various tones to my many doctors and nurses with varying levels of success.

But Its time to go home. I cant sleep, so its a vicious cycle, my mum used to tell me sleep and fluids to get better, and I am only getting one of them. I need my family around me, not just visiting me, but around me, conversing, discussion, making life feel at least a little normal. Whatever is going to happen there needs to be more quality of lif that this, even if that's just annoying Jane and the kids, that's got to be more fun doesn't it?

So whether I go home or not seems to be up to a fill in onco as its Saturday today and my main onco aint here. Each doc I see is current pushing some responsibly to the others. I don't know what this guys is like, old, young, cranky, inflexible, but already I don like him just its because its his responsibility. He could be a great bloke, or lady, although I think Josie said he was a bloke. Even I I could go home for a few days and come back in later in the week, it would at least give me some time to recup physically and mentally.

Laying in my angled hospital bed, man you need any auto engineering degree to get these beds as the right angles, and if you lost that right angle, someone presses the wrong button (how dare they make the bed). Waiting for their not good bloke fill in onco that I have never met, waiting to throw the toys out of the court as I know I am up for an argument. Lets see how this plays out, hoping for a night in my real bed and on my lounge for sure, but yep, well see.

So hospitals I really do love you. the SAN you have been exceptionable good to me, but just for now I need to have a break, I think we have been moving too quickly. Its me, not you. Not, its sort of a bit you as well, sorry bout that.

I love being there most of the time, I love my time with the nurses in infusion'. I love the way they look after me in ED and the wards, most of the time. Just not today ok? Lets try again tomorrow  as tomorrow is always another day.

Love.
Trev.

BYW, yes, not many toys had to be thrown and I am sitting here at home on my favourite couch, ready for a good night sleep. love it.