Struggle Street

I've been struggling over the last month with what seems an accumulation effect of the chemo. Intense fatigue that doesn't really go away. Lots of rest, dealing with the fatigue and nausea, really hard to explain it to anyone, something I have never really experienced, but safe to say, its not good.

The chemo continues to be brutal, had my big day yesterday, just feel totally shattered, and sometimes on those days and the following 1 or 2 days I feel like I cant do it anymore. Even voiced that to Jane last night which I haven't really done before, usually keep that one to myself as much as I feel I can, and my gorgeous wife simply told me that she would support whatever I decide to do. I know the whole thing is as hard for her as for me. I hate that. I really, really hate that.

I know that later in the week I will bounce and forget about it for a few days, and the resilience will kick back in. I treasure those days and the time I can spend lucid and in good company chatting, sitting with the fam. But after being on the treatment for a fair length of time, the feelings of wanting to stop treatment are becoming frighteningly longer and stronger, and so challenging that resilience. Not looking for words of "hang in there", or "keep strong". Just telling you like it is, raw and honest. Just be there, no platitudes please, thoughts and wishes only. 

Had a great day on Sunday watching E play footy and helping out at Auskick and taking photos, and great to see Shaun, Virginia and Rory up to support the old crew. Shot of some of our awesome footy parents below. Been helping out where I can with the footy club, really enjoying that, constantly chatting with Rob, Paul, Mike and Luke. I am sure they are all sick of me calling to bother them and chat, but they never say so, just chat and laugh and listen, very privileged to be part of a great footy club community. Fantastic to coffee up with the Fardys and the Gallus and chew the fat. Was great to catch up with old school mate Healz, fish and chips at the beach, well in a nice cafe on the beach, just as good. Thanks as usual to Jane and Lyss for the lifts to chemo and back.

The mental and physical challenge is great, but I still hold a strong belief that I am up for it, just not today, but maybe tomorrow, as tomorrow is always another day.

Love.
Trev.