Trying to take some control back

Been struggling lately, the beginning of the week after my chemo, particularly the big chemo day, I am finding the feelings of wanting to not do this any more frighteningly stronger and lasting longer. Thanks good mate JG for doing exactly the right thing on pickup yesterday, listening, a few understanding words and a hand on my shoulder, and then some good distraction convo, thanks. But by mid to end of week I am starting to get back the mojo, and enjoying life as it comes. I have had a great couple of weeks from a personal perspective, that always keeps me going, balancing the good with the bad eh.

Some reading and thinking yesterday on trying to take back some control, some thoughts, some plagurised words, and maybe I can get back on the horse.

1. Look to break the cycle - I'm thinking about doing something a little different, plan some time away with the fam, maybe some personal time, just to get out of the routine, make it look a little different.
2. Choose to find the joy - continue to look for the good stuff, the positives. I have been pretty good at this over the time, just got to keep working on it to keep moving forward.
3. Choose to make memories - however long I am on this earth it is important for me and my family to continue to look for small and larger things to make memories with. Even the small things we laugh about, the larger activities, all of them are things that we can remember in our hearts forever in spite of the circumstances we are facing.
4. Share the lessons - as a fighter I am learning some of life's most meaningful lessons, and its important for me to share those to help me find purpose in the challenges I am facing.

I am aware that some of the stuff I write might seem narcissistic. Well probably to some it is, and even sometimes I sit back and think why would anyone want to read this crap, its all about me. But for me to be able to box up and share some intimate and raw thoughts, it enables me to put things into a box and move them on, to try and capture for me what is real and what is not, and it certainly helps for me to continue moving forward. So no apology, read what you want, and leave what you don't, up to you. The writing is more for me, and if in some way it brings you into my and other cancer sufferers world of understanding just a little, then that's a good thing, isn't it?

So starting to come out of the couple of day haze that is my big chemo week, and just gotta keep reminding myself of some of the things I need to do to keep getting my mojo back, today, and tomorrow, as tomorrow is always another day.

Love.

Trev.