Keith's Journey

Recently heard a series of interviews that James O'Loughlin did with Keith and Helen Bunker. Keith had Liver Cancer and was given a short time to live. James interviewed him on radio about his views on life, death, the whole process and how he felt. He then decided to continue to interview him monthly until his death. Some interesting stuff, and some very raw, honest and enlightening stuff. Here is just a snippet of some of the stuff they covered.

"I cried more in the last 9 months than in my previous 49 years".
The emotional ride is really interesting. My support group buddy Robin once told me that even years after his treatment the emotional piece of this can come on at any time, and for no particular reason. Perhaps these life changing events heighten our emotional awareness.

"Knowing that you are going to die; you think about it, plan and prepare physically and emotionally, plan for when I go. Family are as prepared as they can be".
I think this is a real paradox. I feel lucky that I can plan and prepare, but am I really lucky that I will checkout earlier than I really should. Compared to those that get hit by the proverbial bus, never get to say good bye, yep, I am lucky.

"Its not about fairness". 
Its not, its not about who gets it and who doesn't.  I have said before, where are all the dickheads with this disease, all the people I have met with this are good people. No, its not discriminatory, its just what it is.

"I can fight it emotionally, but physically? Fight is really not the appropriate word or language".
So, emotionally I can be strong, resilient, and keep on top of the disease as much as I can. But the physical one is difficult. No winner either way, the chemo is brutal, and really that's part of the fight. You are not really fighting the disease, you are just working on managing it in some way. Keith went on to say that he hasn't given up, but is just pragmatic.

"Im all about honesty, I haven't got time for anything else".
Life is short, that is certainly true, and when given a hurry up there really isn't time for small talk (I say that metaphorically). My support group buddy Phil spoke of early in the piece the culling of friends and family. Why spend time with people that don't value you, or don't make you feel good. There is a bit of a natural culling process in that. I am certainly polite with everyone, but why spend time on things that just don't really matter, I no longer have that time to waste.

"Positiveness, attention, kindness with friends and family has been taken to a new level. Love, attention and kindness, some of the best moments of my life so far. You go through life occasionally telling people you love them, however I get daily emails, they give me enormous joy".
I have said this in previous blogs, how lucky I am to be at a spot with family and friends that I may never have got to, this is certainly the most positive aspect of this whole journey. Add to that I cant wait to see my oncologist and my fabulous medical team each week, they are very special people.

"Spiritually, I am not going to tell anyone that I'm in heaven with angels, I don't believe that, so that's not right. I do however believe in love. I tell my children that I'll be in your hearts, rather than watching over you".
So well put, nailed it.

"Its about what you do with the time left. Don't get bogged down by the things you cant control. Get on with life while you can".
Tomorrow is always another day.

"I cant think of an ideal way of dying".
I do think of dying. How and when its going to happen? How long will I be here? Is it going to hurt? Is it best in bed next to Jane, but how is that for Jane? Is that fair? I am a little concerned that something will happen when no one is home, when I am home alone, when no one else is around. How can you do that anyway, you cant choose, it will happen when it happens.

James had about 6 discussions with Kieth over about 7 months before Keith passed away. He was raw and honest and very articulate in his feelings, and I was very touched by the whole thing. Compelling listening for sure. James then interviewed his wife Helen, some months after Keiths death. She said that often people didn't know what to say. So often they avoided which she found confronting and difficult. Her advice for what to say to someone that has lost a loved one.

• Be yourself.
• Tell your stories about them, and you, celebrate their life.
• Tell them how you feel.
• Be warm.
• Be normal.
• Life is short, make the most of everything
• Carry on.

That's an instruction book right there.

So rock 'n roll. That's the way we move on with life. And a great part of my journey is to really listen to things like these interviews from Keith and Helen, and really learn from them. Not just have it on as background, but to really listen and take in, and hopefully use. And my dream and hope is that by sharing some of this you will really read it, and if you are in the situation, that you have some small amount more understanding.

I love doing this stuff, listening, writing, pushing it out there, and hope that I will be doing it for a long while, as tomorrow is always another day.
Love.
Trev.