Today I have spent a great deal of the day coming back to thoughts about Phil Walsh. I am sure you have all caught the news somewhere that the Adelaide Crows head coach lost his life last night with his son charged with his stabbing murder. Its horrible whether the people involved are in public life of not, its just when they are in public life it is so visible and pervasive.
Love some of the words and phrases used to describe Walshy. Authentic, credible, honest, real, straight-shooter. Love the way he has been described, and hope he would have as well. Really feel for his close family and friends, particularly hie wife, daughter, and of course his son. Life has changed forever.
I think a lot about mortality these days, probably too much. When things like Walshys death bring up thoughts about how lucky, I, and all of us, are. I have the opportunity to hug my wife and kids more, to chat, to discuss, to tell them I love them every day, to plan for the future with or without me, to prepare all of us for what is likely to happen over the coming years. Walshy didn't his family has to live with that as well as everything that goes along with that, awful stuff. I am so lucky.
So today is my 1 year anniversary since diagnosis. A year ago today I got the news of the malignancy of the cancer in the bowel. Over the following few days we then found out the extent of the growth to the liver, lung and abdo. Today a year ago was my first day of not heading to work each morning, the beginning of the new life. So began this journey.
The challenges and negatives are pretty clear. There have been times when things have been so dark, and hope seemed so far away. I remember a conversation with BP telling him I felt like I was going out the back door, and others similar. But there has been so many positives, so many things that I may never have got to if this hadn't happened. I wont list everything out, will be here for days and I have written about many in previous blogs. But the strength of love that I feel for family and close friends is everlasting, and is something that will keep me going forever.
One of the things that has been so surprising is re-engaging with some great old mates. Spent a good couple of hours with Youngy, Willo and Carolyn, old Primary school mates (when I say old, I hope you guys know I mean that we are "old mates", and not "old" mates). Haven't seen these guys for over 30 years, and it was pretty amazing how comfy it felt, how good it was just chatting openly about old and new times. Was lovely. Great job Rod for getting us together, thanks.
Was also great to catch up with an old footy mate, Peter Mac, today. Amazing who you run into when crossing the road! And great pre-dentist brekky with great mate Rob Thommo earlier this week, could talk for hours Rob and love the support and wishes from you and your family over the time.
I had a double dose of one of the chemo drugs on Monday, the idea being that if I have a double dose this week then I don't have to go in next Monday for another. So wanted to give it a go. Been a rough few days. Been lots of bouts of nausea and massive fatigue interspersed with hours of clarity and effectiveness. But certainly when I get out of chatting, I am more and more tired once I come down from the natural high of chatting and engaging. I expect I will have a better week next week without any chemo, but got to decide whether the additional feel crap of this week is worth the fortnight double dose, or whether better off with the weekly single dose. Will see at the end of next week.
I have my next CT to look at how the chemo is working next Thursday then the results the following Monday. I am very confident, all things point to the idea that the weed killer is continuing to shrink the bastards. I certainly expect some more great news from the onco on Monday week, I am sure Josie will come through.
The week has also been hard coming to terms with my ex-employers decision to terminate my employment on medical grounds, but each day I am becoming a little more accepting of it. Whatever happens, life goes on. We deal with it, and move on to the next stage. That doesn't mean I don’t have bad days or doubts. It just means that I accept the hand I was dealt. I don’t know what the next chapter will bring, but I’ll do my best to deal with it. And you all know that this means that tomorrow is always another day.
On my first anniversary of this journey I would also like to thank all of you that have read my ravings, and supported me and my family. I look forward to continuing to share what is an awesome time of life with all of you.
Love.
Trev.
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