Where there's a will there's a way

Is there, is there really?

I have written before about the impossibility of being permanently positive. That you need to be able to spend time going through your emotions, anger, grief, sadness. But the key I think is to find a way not to spend too much time in those places, but to bounce back. Resilience.

Somewhat related is the view on will. Where there's a will there's a way. Have you heard of someone that had a life threatening disease, perhaps been given months or less from their doctors, and they beat it, they got through it, they survived. People sometimes say that the reason that they got through it was their unending and single minded focus to get better. They wanted to get better, they would not give up, they willed themselves better, they weren't going to die, they had too much to live for.

I think this is a simplistic view. For every person that has had that perspective and survived, there are many more that have had exactly the same outlook and not survived. Does this mean that their will or reason to live was less that those that survived? Of course not, in fact I think it is disrespectful of those that did not make it to talk that way and imply that they put less effort or had less of a will to live.

With that single focus can also infer some level of denial of where you are at and what you are actually going through. Is that healthy, maybe, maybe not. I wouldn't like to pass on without having had some discussions and plans setup for the future without me. And I want to plan the music for my service, Daz, Barb and I have been chatting about that for years. How can I go without putting in my footy tips. And in case you are asking, I HAVE put in my entire years tips. Each week I go back in and make some amendments, but just in case, FootyTrev tips are in Mike.

My theory is that you can will yourself to death. That you can switch off and just fade away. But the other way is much tougher. I think the right attitude and approach helps the body and mind drive with things like radiation and chemo to try and manage the disease. But can you cure yourself with your mind, make it go away just on pure will? Can you get through the life threatening disease from just will alone? I don't think so.

So my approach is pragmatic and logical. I am positive, I will do anything I can that I think will help me get through this. I want to see my children have relationships, have children, grandchildren.  I want to grow old with my love. But I know that's going to be tough, I am reading the newer studies and looking at the average timeframes. What will put me in those small percentages, the ones that I want to be in? Will WILL get me there? Certainly part of the equation, but then there is luck, genes, and all the medical approaches.

While I am here and am able to draw a breath, I will keep trying to manage this thing and move on. I will do anything I can to get through this, to grow old. I dearly want to be here. But I am equally comfortable talking through some of the things that are a little more confronting, some of the other what ifs and what may be.

But at the moment, I had my most recent scan yesterday and results on Monday. I am pretty confident about this one, hopefully that's not a bad thing. I have little reason to think that it will be anything but good news that the chemo is still working. I have been having a few more pains, but as my onco says, I am 50 now, and so going to have a few aches and pains. But the cancer markers which give an indication of cancer activity are all down.

After my double dose of Cetux last round the whole fortnight has been a challenge, felt crap the whole time. So not doing that again, going back to the weekly single dose rather than the fortnightly double dose.

So looking forward to a weekend that is a little restful and then some footy on Sunday.
Tomorrow is always another day.
Love.
Trev.