I tend most days to wake somewhere between 2 and 4. Sometimes I can get back to sleep, but lots of time I can't. Not exactly sure why I wake, could be the medication, could be time to empty the bag, don't really know. The head spins with thoughts, good, and not so good.
In speaking to fellow cancer sufferers, this doesn't seem an uncommon thing, the 3am wake. But maybe because it's quiet and dark it often quickly drops into reflection of where I am at and thought about what will the future behold. Thoughts goto my family, what have I done to them, what will I leave them with, what will they miss out on.
It's hard to find the positives sometimes, but they are always there. With a wonderful wife and children I am lucky, I am blessed, I am ok. They will be fine, they are independent and strong, they will move on and deal with anything that comes their way.
So, if you are looking for a career change, the 3am counsellor may not be a bad idea. I might be able to find a few patients for you. But if anything, you know why I am sometimes pretty tired during your waking hours.
Tomorrow is always another day.
Trev.
You haven't done this to your family Trev, and you're right, they will be fine because you are a shining example of fineness. It must be lonely at 3am, and TV at that time sure sucks. I hope you sleep tonight!
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