Not what I was looking for

Today was a big day. Today I sat down with my oncologist with the results of last weeks CT Scan. We were hoping that the 4 cycles of chemo has had some impact on the tumours, and that hopefully that would show with a decrease in the size of them all. Results were not what I was looking for.

The last CT I had was a couple of weeks prior to surgery. The existing tumours are now larger than they were then. What we are hoping is that this means that they grew significantly between Oct and Nov, and once chemo started it has started to shrink them, just not far enuff yet. The other alternative is that they are still growing. We have decided to do another 2 cycles of chemo and then do another CT to determine which one of the above is happening.

So its a setback, pretty down about it for sure. I feel a bit like I am heading out the back door. But its OK.  If its working, then we continue on with the same regime for now. If its not, then we look to go to another regime, which like this one, may, or may not work. The key for the treatment seems to be to stay on each chemo regime as long as you can, because there will come a time when it will stop working, or become toxic. Just have to try and stretch that time out as much as we can. I was hoping I would be able to stay on this first one a lot longer with it working well. Maybe, maybe not.

So family has talked it all over as usual, a few tears, and then we park that and move on, back to a good day tomorrow. We are crossing our fingers for the next scan in a few weeks. I read Jimmy Stynes book this week and he described his approach to his cancer battle as "never surrender". I like that, it doesn't always mean fighting, it means that we will keep trying, keep moving forward, keep making decisions, keep enjoying each day we can, and fight when we need to. That makes sense to me. As I have said before, its not about staying positive and strong 100% of the time, its about resilence, bouncing back, seeing the good, accepting the not so good, and moving on.

Back to a waiting game now, work thru the 2 weeks of bad-week-good-week, then back into chemo again for the day the other side of Australia day. Might wear my Australian Flag Boardies that day.

Because, tomorrow is always another day.
Trev.